Yeah yeah. Laugh it up, wiseass
My track record with cars isn’t that great. I basically know nish all about them in the first place, so I can’t do that whole hanging-around-talking-about-spark-plugs thing that other men do. I’m only interested in 2 factors when I buy a car: cost and reliability. Frankly, this is all A Good Job, as I have an alarming predilection for driving into other road users and stationary objects.
I’m also unlucky.
Last year, I was driving home down the motorway minding my own business with my headphones in, listening to Slade like all the trendy kids do when I noticed the road noise suddenly shoot up. Pulling my ear plugs out, I looked around – wondering if a window had come open or something. Nothing. And then…. I looked up.
No sunroof?
Yep. The sunroof had somehow blown away, leaving nothing behind but a hole and a majestic view of the heavens . Heart in mouth, I looked in my rear view mirrors and saw nothing but an empty road behind me. To this day, I have no real idea what happened to my sunroof. For all I know, some motorcyclist still has it embedded in his forehead.
Naturally, an insurance claim followed. In the 4 days that I had the courtesy car, some dick pranged it in a carpark or something before driving merrily away. I had to claim again. This is how I was presented with an insurance quote for £1200 for my £4000 Yaris earlier this year. Thank god that I – like those morons who filmed themselves to be on the advert – could save money using confused.com.
Anyway, last night saw me leaving work early. I had to pick the kids up and get home because Tesco were delivering the shopping between 6 and 8. Naturally, the A1 was scene to a 9 car pile-up and I arrived at the childminder’s, sweating and panicking at 6:05. As my three year old son writhed and screamed at the horrific injustice of me not having any sweets about me when I picked him up, I drove down the road knowing that Tesco would choose this as the day they arrived at 6.
Sure enough, the dude was getting back in his van outside my house. I could see him shaking his head. Hands clammily on the wheel, I sped towards my destination, heart yammering in my mouth, flashing him madly. “Please,” I mouthed at him through my window “I’m here – notice me!”
I was still looking to see if he had seen me as I pulled into the drive. That could be why I was a few feet off in my steering. The gatepost made mincemeat of the off side door as I came to sweaty stop, Josh helpfully pointing out that “you’ve crashed, Daddy.”
Still – at least I got the shopping.
In my eyes: any parking maneuver you can walk away from is a successful one.
Anyway, unlucky? You got your shopping!
lol. Have you considered it possible that you shouldn’t own a car at all. I hear push bikes are fairly crash resistant.
Great post Paul, but such an unfortunate incident. I love what Josh said. The car looks mashed this morning. I did a similar thing years and years ago when I was first “going out” with Dave and scrapped his shiny red Vauxhall Calibra on a post .. eeeek!
Hahaha the sunroof story had me laughing out loud again. I have a tip for you – don’t claim. Just leave it – you can be one of those people whose car is so battered, other road users avoid you cos they know you just. don’t. care.
I did laugh. A little. Then I cried. A little.
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I found the perfect car for you: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/ae/Dairy_Crest_Milk_Float_Garage_2.jpg
Motherfucker
I remember driving to work one day and my sunroof just exploded, no idea why, I was on a dual carriageway, not passing under any trees or anything. The glass itself was shatterproof so it wasn’t too much of a mess but bizarre all the same. Heh
Crivvens! At least I’m not alone in experiencing sunroof wierdness. When I phoned the insurance company up it took me about an hour to convince them that it hadn’t been stolen “yes… yes… it was definitely there when I got in the car…”