I’m not the kind of bloke that goes in for having a “professional profile”. You might have noticed that my blog only rarely touches on professional matters and is more concerned with the puerile and stupid things that drift randomly through my existence.
The way I see it, my professional life more or less ends when I step out of the office. I’m not prepared to live my life as if it is one big extension of the workplace. That’s part of the reason I’m eternally grateful I work in the environment I do, because they understand and tolerate that fact that I am a complete arse whenever I leave the confines of HQ.
I never forget how my wife and her friends were berated and subjected to snippy internal memos for being drunk on a works night out and engaging in larkish activities. Like… hello? Works do? My last 3 works dos with Bronco have resulted in a fight, a hospital visit and a vomit bath.
Despite that, I did endeavour to do things properly with my LinkedIn profile and my goodness what a lot of cock that turned out to be. At first there were a few colleagues on there and I was secretly proud of my 11 connections – and the fact that Bill Gates was just 6 steps away from me (that man is surely the Kevin Bacon of internet professionals).
And then there were nerdy ex-colleagues from way back when who I only dimly remembered in conjunction with evils such as Java and such. And I felt vaguely obliged to add them to ramp up my connection number. And then I joined this ecommerce group and answered a question this one time… and then it started.
“Jambalaya Fruitstarter wants to add you as a connection on LinkedIn:
‘Hi – I have very many opportunities of business for you my friend’”
“Martin Weasel has indicated that you have a business connection on LinkedIn:
Hi – I have an SEO/PPC job in Shinzeng Province – would suit you down to the ground. Interested? Page me. Please. Or call. Or email. Anything. Just tell the world that we’re friends by adding me to your network. Please.”
“Joseph Goebbels has indicated that you were once their colleague at Nazi Headquarters, Munich – approve? Y/N”
I must get 40 job offers a week from LinkedIn. Who’s got time for this shit? Professional networkers, self-starters, this one guy with an ebook, recruitment agents and the business equivalent of Facebook childgroomers – that’s who.
If you want to get to know people like that and don’t already get enough spam in your inbox, then I can’t recommend LinkedIn highly enough.