There’s a school of thought that says that hating the NME is just something that happens when you get older. They’re covering a load of bands you’ll never have time to catch up on, and they don’t sound anything like the stuff you grew up with (where *are* The Frank and Walters these days?) so you naturally retreat into your dad’s default “it was better in my day” schtick and can go concentrate on something more important.
Actually, the NME is just dogshit these days. That’s just fact. It hardly needs to be said that having your award ceremony sponsored by a fucking hair gel company of all fucking things pretty much lays waste to any claim you might have to be a standard bearer for the punk ethos. But a larger part of the problem is this: what is the NME for?
It’s a question worth asking.
We have journalists to provide us with information. They’re an important filter who simultaneously uncover things we didn’t know about, and help us to form judgements about what to do with that information. It’s often an imperfect system – by any measure, someone out of Corrie getting their tits out should be less important than the credit crunch – but it’s what we’ve got. The best journalism is therefore predicated on expertise in a particular field.
So shouldn’t we look to music journalists for information about music? Well…
I have in front of me a copy of the NME from 2004. The last one I bought. In it, some ditz proclaims that:
“Yes, Shroomadelica is a real musical movement.”
To get memey on your pasty white ass: O RLY? (I’m not alone in noticing this, BTW).
The trouble is, that your average music journalist don’t know shit about shit, beyond the knowledge of some microcosmic bunch of bands that You Haven’t Heard Of Yet. It’s the natural end-game brought about by the ridiculous notion foisted onto us by our once proud education system that All Knowledge is Equal. So we have homeopathy on the NHS and a dizzy bird in stripey tights proclaiming the advent of “Shroomadelica”. Stir into that mix a liberal dash of “I can’t believe you haven’t heard of The Shinkies” style one-upmanship, and you’ve arrived at the perfect formula for the nigh-on content-free heap of arse that the NME has become.



#1 by Alexander at July 8th, 2009
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You neglected to point out that the NME covers the bands on record labels that spend advertising dollars. So it’s a form of payola in print form.
Nevermind, it’s on it’s last legs, and will snuff it soon enough. It’s basically Heat for teenagers now.
#2 by Shatner at October 18th, 2009
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To quote Zappa: ‘Most rock journalism is people who can’t write, interviewing people who can’t talk, for people who can’t read’