Category Archives: life

I Set Fire to My Wife

Posted on December 10, 2010 by Carps

You might have come to suspect that the recent bouts of musical frivolity and frothy-mouthed ranting indicate that I have been more than usually competent of late and thus have nothing else to talk of. Far from it. As Britain’s leading … Continue reading →

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In praise of immigrants

Posted on November 12, 2010 by Carps

The guy in the toilet at Tiger Tiger with his bowlful of mints and little tray of soaps and perfumes is never a guy from Plumstead. He’s always – but always – a dude from Africa who has left behind … Continue reading →

Posted in life, Politics | 1 Comment

The Real Ale Trail: Dewsbury, Huddersfield, Marsden, Hell… and back

Posted on October 12, 2010 by Carps

Context means a lot. Take lager. Set in the context of a icily frosted glass on a warm evening in a European city, watching the girls swishing past on their heels on their way to have fun: fine. Set in … Continue reading →

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Scarborough. A stag do. Whispers of encroaching middle age.

Posted on September 14, 2010 by Carps

She wore army boots and red hold-up stockings that stopped 3 inches shy of her camouflage skirt – and be sure those three inches were taut and tanned and smooth… hinting at coolly inviting flesh beneath. A halter neck top … Continue reading →

Posted in Humour, life | 1 Comment

Jim Corbett. Hunter. Badass.

Posted on September 8, 2010 by Carps

Don’t fuck with moustachioed men. It’s a timeless aphorism by which you could safely live your life. But among a roll-call of history’s hirsute badasses from Bennett (“Your soldiers are nothing. Matrix and I can kill every single one of … Continue reading →

Posted in life, Random Crap | 1 Comment

My German Pen Friend

Posted on August 17, 2010 by Carps

Note: all you are about to read is true. I swear it on the remaining follicles of my head. My local hamlet Morley is twinned with Siegen in Germany. That means that every year, a few aldermen and burghers get … Continue reading →

Posted in Humour, life, Random Crap | 1 Comment