Before we had kids, the good lady Wife and myself decided to take advantage of our then relative affluence by doing a smidgin of globetrotting. We went to see Pompeii… New York… Canada and Cleethorpes.
Canada was the politest place I’ve ever been. Like seriously, everyone was on happy pills. This despite being half-descended from the French – a nation who have elected to make up for the constant ass-kicking they’ve received from almost every nation on earth (even the Italians!) by being rude.
There was one exception. As we breakfasted in a Toronto eaterie, the most random guy in the world was stood at the counter. Maybe in his 50s… bit paunchy… baseball cap and – inexplicably – a bin liner full of what looked like duvet covers.
He was barking at the counter staff in a windy monotone.
“WHY THE FUCK HAVE THEY GOT THEIR BREAKFAST BEFORE ME?” The poor Muslim girl behind the counter was evidently trying to explain something about them just having a coffee and a danish while they were having to cook the guy’s food.
“I WANT MY FUCKING EGGS” more apologies, but a membet
“I JUST WANT FUCKING EGGS OVER FUCKING EASY”
He walked out, addressing the assembled diners who were – to a man – feigning profound deafness. “THIS FUCKING JOKE. WHY CAN’T I HAVE MY FUCKING EGGS? MOTHERFUCKERS.” As he left, nervous laughter passed around the room and a few people offered words of support to the beleaguered counter staff. And then fuck me if didn’t come back!
Barging through the door to begin his voluble diatribe once more. “I JUST WANT FUCKING EGGS OVER EASY. THIS FUCKING PLACE. WHERE’S MY FUCKING EGGS YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS?” And then he was gone into the crystal clear Toronto morning like the High Plains Drifter. With his bag of duvet covers.
I mention this because I was sent a video of this crazy guy berating AN ENTIRE SHOPPING CENTRE for being closed!!! And after a few seconds I started to think.. “Hang on…” and then halfway through it becomes clear that this is The Guy – it’s in Toronto! Oh Joy!
So here, for your viewing pleasure is that totally random guy!